Do you understand what I mean? We are complicated creatures, human beings. We tend to show one side of ourselves to each group or person we meet. Does anyone else, even our spouses, know all the sides of us? So which of my do you know? So do you know me as the church youth leader? The Girl Scout leader? The child sex abuse advocate? The LGBTQ community advocate/ ally? Do you see my extended family side? or my Mom? Wife? or Nona? Do you usually see the introverted side? or do you usually see me when I am feeling more extroverted? How do all those sides come together and become me, who I am at my core.
I was sitting in church this morning (depending on which side of me you know, is that a surprise?) And our Pastor was talking about what we expose ourselves to, what we see, what we hear and how that can affect what we say and what we do. Specifically how social media relates to all of that. She went into how we can use social media to go spread the word of God. It really hit me that I don’t really share my faith with many people anymore. I rarely post religious based material of any kind of social media. I used to, but then I felt the community shift in how it viewed Christians. And I totally understand why. As a matter of fact for a long time I left the Christian community because I was mad at God, thinking he was telling me I shouldn’t accept people that I love. I was confused being surrounded by and hearing conservative Christians, who unfortunately are the ones you hear the most. These are the Christians who are preaching hate instead of love, intolerance instead of inclusion, protecting abusers instead of protecting victims. I could not stand with a faith that did these things. So I left.
However, I missed my relationship with God. I missed the community that (some) churches provide. But how could I return to a place that I was told did all those horrible things. God showed me that my faith isn’t based on any of that, that He wants me to love EVERYONE, He wants me to help EVERYONE, He wants me to protect the INNOCENT, He wants me to include EVERYONE. He never asked me to make any judgements, that is His job. Will I ever find a church that teaches and believes exactly everything that I do? No, probably not. But I did find a church that knows what I believe and accepts me with open arms. I found a community that is allows me to be who I am, feel what I do, and encourages me to be more of the kind of person that I want to be.
I am defiantly a very liberal Christian. And I honestly don’t share my faith with certain groups I spend time with. Not because I am ashamed of my own faith, but because I am ashamed by how they have been treated and hurt by other so called Christians. I am afraid, their hurt and fear, will stop them from listening to the fact that I am not like the Christians that hurt them. I am afraid they will feel like I want to change them and not accept them for who they are inside and out.
I don’t fit in the mold that many people think of when they think of a strong Christian woman. First, most Christian marriages, the man is the head of the house, his word in final. This just doesn’t work for Jeremy and my marriage, so his final word is that I have a better sense of what is in the best interest as a whole for our family. I tend to make more well thought out decisions, especially if they need to be made quickly. Not to mention I am just the more dominate and he is more comfortable with that arrangement. Second, my best friends are lesbians. They are beautiful together, their love is amazing and I am humbled that they share so much of their life with me. I could not imagine my life without them. I am very much a LGBTQ ally, and I will stand up with them and for them as long as it takes. For me love is love and that is all that matters. Third, I also have a lot of friends with pagan beliefs, my “witchy” friends. If you know much about their beliefs a lot of it is just working with nature instead of against it. They have the best gardening resources and tons of knowledge of natural healing remedies. If you look at many of their celebrations they are giving thanks for what the earth, nature, has provided at that time of the year. It is beautiful! Lastly, I raise my children to ask questions and to think independently. I don’t want them to blindly follow anyone in anything, even me. If they want to protest something great! Tell me why? If they want to join a new group at church, wonderful! Tell me why? They want to go to college, Yay! Tell me why? I will help and encourage them to do just about anything and long as they can show me they have thought it out, and know what they are getting into.
If there is a side of me you have questions about ask! I am not trying to hide any part of me from anyone, I just give you the parts of me I think will make you the most comfortable.
Kindness is how I survive today!
Amy
How I Survived The Day 