I had another adventure yesterday, Almost more than I can deal with sometimes. Thank goodness for family, friends and nice people in this world. If it weren’t for them I might not get out of bed some days.
So I dropped Princess off at camp, Rocket, Monkey and I were going grocery shopping afterwards. We made it almost to the store and my car died, I was able to get it started again but every time I stopped it died again. Somehow by the grace of God, I got it into the parking lot of the store. I figured it just needed some coolant since I notice the temp had shot up. We went shopping so it could cool down and put coolant. I began putting the coolant in and it ran out the bottom just as fast. UGH! I could see that it was coming from a hose (thank goodness) but couldn’t get to it. When I tried the hose split (I thought). I called a tow service but they can only transport 2 people, and we had 3 of us. Thankfully one of my sisters lived and worked right by where we were. She was able to take the kids home on her lunch for me and I waited for the tow truck, in the hot sun. A wonderful man, (who was not the tow truck driver, because he isn’t allowed to) took a quick look and the hose had just come loose and I knocked it the rest of the way out. He was able to fix it with in like 5 minutes. Yay and immensely grateful. I was able to fill it with coolant (I had no idea how much coolant the radiator took) and was on my way.
Once I got home I was still really shaken, my head was pounding and my stomach was queasy. I figured just stress, so ate and rested but it didn’t go away. Once kids were picked up and Jeremy got home I laid down and listened to an audiobook. Today I am a little better, my head still hurts, my stomach is still upset and I feel really unemotional and sleepy. Could be stress, could be depression, could be I hit my head in the bath tub day before yesterday.
Depression is such a strange thing. Days like this, it is so hard to battle it and not give it. All I want to do is go to bed and sleep. Hide away from the world. This is one of the ways I use to reach out beyond myself, to let out my feeling, to not hide, but to feel safe at the same time. No one should feel like they are alone in this. I am grateful I have people in my life who make sure I know I am loved, who take extra care when I feel this way. They also let me know that it is ok for me to be this way, as long as I keep trying, keep battling, and when it gets harder to battle they will help me, stand with me, hold me and love me. Not everyone is as fortunate as I am. I can’t imagine going through this with out the support I have.
If you feel this way, or worse, please find someone to help you. If you can’t find someone, please reach out to me. You are worth it, you are loved, even when you don’t feel like it. I will be there for you.